I Knew There Were Nargles
by Ayluy
Summary: A shameless self-insert à la PippinStrange who can't remember the whole story, random Flamenco guitar as soundtrack and a bet between two Councils. What that's got to do with Merlin? Hijinks, my dear, hijinks. Oh, and nargles, of course.  While Season 1


A/N:

Inspired by the wonderful Pippin Strange (formerly known as PippinBaggins) who, apart from writing über cool fan fiction, coined the fabuloustastic expression FIFFing.

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_It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. ~Woody Allen_

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It was one of those days where the sky seemed like a big ball of cloud wool hanging over your head like it's going to fall down and suffocate you with its rainy dampness.

In other words, one of those days where every person with a spark of sanity stays inside and enjoys a cup of blueberry or mango-lemon tea or hot chocolate with marshmallows, and treats themselves to a good book.

Of course, sanity is rather relative and so I found myself standing on our doorstep, clad in a rain jacket and wellies with a small bucket stuffed with salad and carrots in my hand.

I glared at the rain and then at the staircase before me. My heart beat immediately sped up and I could hear some violins predicting the dangers to come. In my head, I mean. It's not like we have a live orchestra sitting in our garden. Sheesh, what are you thinking?

This stair and I, we don't have what you might call a good history, ever since that lovely summer day when I flew down the metal steps face first and got a pretty dent in my shinbone. Yes, the actual bone.

So the prospect of balancing down a bucket with bunny food in this miserable weather was not really lightening my mood.

But hey, someone had to bring poor Bommel her food. Who could bear with the thought of those big brown eyes accusingly staring at you when her little nose drew her last breath?

Too tragic for me.

Clinging to the handrail for dear life (isn't it sad that clichéd formulations have so much truth in them?) I gingerly put a foot onto the first step.

Then the other one.

Then the next.

I think I'll spare you the dramatic and pathetic tale of how I got down to safe ground again.

Now, of course you're wondering: What the hay does this have to do with anything? I want to read a Merlin fanfic, not the tale of some chick going down stairs! And it's only fair of you to think so.

But in reality this is an introduction whose only point is to show that it all started on a very average day, so you can wonder what kind of exiting thing happens that makes this story read-worthy. It's called catching readers on your hook, in case you want to give it a try.

After that I actually made it to the canopy in our garden where bunny Bommel leads a life full of adventures and secret tunnels that lead directly to the headquarters of the Association of Lagomorphs. I gave the tiny bundle of fur its well-deserved food – special agents are totally under-appreciated these days – and turned back to flee into the safe haven of my room and continue reading, when I saw something in the grass.

It was only a small twinkle, nothing too flashy, but my I-lost-stuff-and-found-it-destroyed-by-the-rain-senses were tingling. I stalked through the slippery grass.

The source of the twinkling was silver plate, only about the width of my thumb. I frowned. How could something so small have caught my attention from about eight meters away? Usually, I'm pretty unaware of my surroundings when I'm thinking of good books and the like.

And that, my dear readers, was when I made the ultimate mistake. It wasn't as if I could have known what would happen. But I was slightly suspicious of this strange thing lying around in my garden and that should have been warning enough.

I'm tellin' ya: Don't pick up stuff if you don't know what it is or where it came from. It's right up there with the 'You Shall Not Take Unknown Substances Into Your Mouth' Rule. It might end up being ork blood.

…I'm disgressing.

So, I bent down to pick up whatever it was. Whatever turned out to be a tear shaped pendant, with carving on its edge that led into a spiral in the middle of it. It ended in a small dent, as if a rhinestone or something the like had fallen out of it.

"Odd," I mumbled, "Who lost that?"

I straightened up only to find I couldn't.

"Well, duh," I told myself after contemplating my situation, "That's what you get for picking up stuff that randomly appears in your garden. Strange things happen."

With my body frozen in space, there wasn't much to do then wait for the obviously ominous thing that would happen. Luckily, my poor back didn't have to wait long.

With the sound of a giant zipper being ripped open, everything around me started to shake in a dramatic action/endoftheworld movie way. My whole body was jerked up, fell for a second and then was shoved through a too narrow tube. I could feel something rough scraping against me, and my limbs were pulled into more directions I even knew could exist. Something green flew towards me with incredible speed.

"Oh, I'm fa-"

BAM!

"-lling."

White dots exploded into rainbows before my eyes. For a moment, I felt nothing but the fact that I actually felt, which was a good sign because it meant I wasn't dead. Then the pain settled in. Groaning, I quickly tried to check the damage. I could move all my limbs.

Good. Nothing broken. Then I slowly sat up.

Not good. Everything spinning.

"Is this what apparating feels like?" I asked in a pathetic whimpering tone. My head just hurt so _much_.

"Who are you?"

My head snapped up. Ugh, bad idea. I blinked to get the trees above me to stand still like they should and turned my attention to the speaker. Blue eyes questioningly looked down on me. As I recognised just who was scrutinising me, I stupidly blinked. After a moment of pondering whether I was dreaming or not, I decided not, because I was definitely hurting too much.

In short, I was showing the symptoms of FIAWing (Falling Into Another World, as opposed to Falling Into Fan Fiction. I can't use the latter because I haven't asked the originator yet. Oh the woes of copyright…). With a start, I realised I was sprawled out on the ground and leapt up.

"Oh, 'scuse me, I didn't mean to make such an entrance, in fact, I didn't even plan any entrance at all, considering I was just transported here," I rushed and then realised I had been asked a question. My mind still reeling from my spectacular fall and the presence of the man in front of me, all I could think of was how crazy this would turn out in a fan fiction and if people would kill me for getting so close to their hero, that I wound up saying something very stupid.

"I'm Ayluy," I presented myself. Yep, I used my fan fiction username. Is that devotion or what? In my defence, everything around me was still moving in strange, Tim Burton-esque ways. "And it's very nice to meet you, Gaius."

Before I could wonder why he had a twin, my vision was blocked by black ink swirling around me and I felt like I was watching TV, completely cut off from my body, when suddenly, my view started towards the ground. The last thing I made out before I completely passed out was the nagging suspicion I just had poured my breakfast on his boots.

But that could just have been my imagination.

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…Yes, I admit, lack of sleep led to this. Please do not hate me.

So yeah, passing out is nothing like the elegant floating down into the waiting arms of your knight in shining armour they show you in the movies. It's actually a very nauseating experience. Now you know it.

So, whaddaya think? Good? Bad? Boring? So awful it hurts? Should I even consider continuing / actually starting with this story?


End file.
